Punishing Physicality

The battle that rages inside is one of attrition.

Mental and emotional woes take a toll on self worth and motivation.

In this strong a storm, a spiritual vacuum occurred that can only be filled with the sand of time.

The punishing physicality is most peculiar however.

What mechanism in the human body triggers these effects?

When intimacy is what I need to soothe the storm, my face puffs and leaks and is generally repulsive.

When I need to bring my chin up, my body lurches towards the fetal position.

When I want to feel whole, there is a pit in my abdomen that pulls at my innards.

Some say love is purely chemical and a big part of me sees that.

I choose to believe in something more however.

I feel something invisible happens underneath the Oxytocin and Endorphin.

I bound her to me so completely, that when it was taken away my mind, body, and soul revolted.

In a violent torrent, hope becomes a paper thin bastion.

It takes everything I have to stay aloft on my flimsy life raft.

The alternative being closing myself off, snuffing my eternal love, and closing shop on giving my heart away again.